Ride on the ocean of life

     Today is a rough day for some reason. I keep crying! I miss my Nanny and my Grandpa George. Sometimes I still can't wrap my head around the fact that both of them are gone. The two of them were so constant in my life for so long, it is almost unimaginable that two of my constants are not here anymore. What do you do when something so constant in your life fades away. It is almost the same feeling you get when you lose a friendship or when a romantic relationship ends. You feel this overall feeling of loss and helplessness; you are aware that you need to move forward, but you do not know where to begin. Take it from a girl who has lost plenty of friendships and who has dealt with major heart brake and who has had family members die, it is best to just take one day at a time. Even one moment at a time because one minute you will think you are doing fine, but the next you could be balling your eyes out! 

    Life is much like the ocean, the waves come and and go out and it is our job to ride on the ocean of life. Some days the current could be moving fast and other days the current could be as calm as a beautiful sunrise. You have to pull from your experiences to help you get through certain life problems sometimes. 

   With Thanksgiving fast approaching, I am struck with the memory of last year at this time when my Grandpa was living his final days. I remember feeling so happy for him when he finally was able to let go, and I remember feeling so unbelievably grateful for my family. We all stuck right by him until his final moments and I will never forget the love I felt for all of them that night. I often wonder if your death day up in heaven in much like your birthday here on earth. I wonder if the angels celebrate your return "home." I like that thought, so I hope that they do that, it makes an anniversary of a death seem not so sad here on earth. 

    Life is a whirlwind, and I am not even sure what I just wrote here, but it feels nice to get my words out. I hope all of you have a marvelous Thanksgiving and that you are able to have a chance to go around the table and say what you are thankful for. It is really important to get those thoughts in your head and to say them out loud.

Look UP

I am not sure what to write, I am not sure what this blog will hold. Will it be memorable? Will you learn from it? I ask myself these questions every time I sit down and decide to write a blog. I stress about wanting to make it worth your time. I try to have a solid beginning, middle and end and hopefully teach a life lesson somewhere in between. Isn't that a lot like life though? We all stress about every little detail. We hope that we are doing everything right and that we can just get through the day without hurting anyone or be involved in any awful event. Our lives are filled with the thoughts of, "me me me and you you you." Why can't we ever just be? Why can't we just walk down the street and enjoy the sun on our face or feel the crisp air on our cheeks? Why can't we just enjoy life for what it is? We are given gifts daily that do not even cost a dime! Let me ask you a question, because I seem to be asking a lot of questions right now, but when you are walking somewhere do you ever look up? Or do you just stare at the ground? I was thinking about this the other day and decided to make note of everyone that I walked passed on the street. I noticed that more often than not people look down when they walk. Why? Are they nervous they are going to trip? Or are they scared that the ground might slip up from underneath them? Why look down at nothing when you can look up at something; the amazing world around you. I promise you wont fall. I notice that in theatre work as well. Sometimes when I go to see shows or if I am watching scene work I notice that most actors look down when they are talking. I have been taught that when you look down all of your energy goes down, but when you look up and out the energy travels  upward and outward toward the audience. This applies to daily life too, if people looked up more I bet they would notice a difference in how they feel and how their day goes. I am guessing that their days would seem a lot more positive and upbeat. 

      Well, I guess this blog composed itself. I honestly do not know what I think sometimes, I just let my thoughts flow and see what happens.  I just wish people wouldn't be so absorbed with themselves. I know this topic seems to be an ongoing theme of mine, but it is an issue that needs to be addressed. I would consider myself an observer. I have never been the big "talker" unless I feel extremely comfortable with you. I tend to sit back and listen and observe. Being an observer I notice that sometimes when people are in a conversation no one really even listens to one another. It is the funniest thing. One time I listened to two people have a solid 5 minute conversation and they both were telling two completely different stories. Seriously! Have we lost our ability to listen?! Is it too hard to ask someone how they are doing and actually care? 

  Bottom line, life is so short and we are all guilty, me included, of not appreciating the life around us. Appreciate the small stuff like the red holiday cups at Starbucks, or a child's laughter, or seeing someone you love and being able to hug them. It doesn't matter if you see them all the time, but don't you think it is a miracle and a blessing that we get to experience that feeling of love? I feel blessed everyday that I am able to call my Mom or Dad or Sisters or Boyfriend and tell them I love them. I feel blessed that they are all alive and that I get to hug them anytime I want. Maybe since I recently lost two Grandparents I am more sensitive to that subject, but it is a miracle that most of us get to live day after day being able to make mistakes and get the chance to correct them. Some people don't get that, some people are born and they die a few days later, some people develop chronic illnesses and that becomes their life. 

  I feel blessed... don't you? Do me a favor, take a piece of paper and pen and jot down ten things you are grateful for. Really do it, I will put my list below. 

My list of what I am grateful for:

1. the love I feel for my family

2. having Jason in my life because he brings me so much joy

3. being able to work at The Ballet School

4. My Nanny and Jenny for making The Ballet School what it is today       

5. Being able to grow up at the Lesher Center. That place is my home.

6. my humor, I feel that always gets me through some hard times

7. My parents for supporting me and helping me any way they can so that I can get my College Degree

8. my love for the Arts, its a passion that lies deep down in my core

9. My Grandpa George for teaching me how important family is

10. Gracie, her spirit and everything she is now and everything she will become