There once was a little girl who loved to play pretend. She would take any chance she could to use her imagination. She would transform every single room in her house into another world. From room to room there was always something different going on, a palace, an underwater mermaid land, a zoo, a park... always changing, always moving. This little girl was an observer, she didn’t talk much, but she knew a lot. She would watch her mom and dad kiss goodbye every single morning as her dad went off to work, she would watch her sisters, who were much older than her, go on dates and hang out with their friends. This little girl always had something going on in her mind. She dreamed of the day when she could use her imagination in the real world and do something with it. Everything she imagined her life being was so black and white, there was such a clear cut idea of what her life would be like. She knew that it was going to be fantastic and perfect.
As the little girl grew, her imagination grew with her. She went from playing pretend around her house and imagining different worlds, to playing pretend in her mind and imagining all the good things that could come to her. She would dream about the crushes she had in school, she imagined what her first kiss would be like and who her first love would be. She would always wonder to herself who that special someone was. She had a clear image in her mind of who he was. She knew he was out there, but just didn’t know where. It eventually happened and she fell in love at an early age and her life seemed to spiral into greatness from there. She had great friends, a great family and had direction in her life. She was ready to tackle the world.
Like most first loves, they go away and they enter the world of “sweet memories.” The girl moved forward with her life and went to college, met knew faces and experienced new things. That is where she met, Him. From the moment she knew Him, she knew it was not a good idea, but something inside of her kept telling her that he was a winner. She met him late one night in the rain. He shared his umbrella with her and made her laugh. She was excited at the possibility of Him and they soon became each other’s possibility.
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into years. That little girl, was not so little anymore. By this time she had dealt with death, sickness, losing friends, fighting, living on her own, sadness, missing her family and tears... so many tears. She had dealt with life. Although... somewhere along the way, she lost herself and that little girl inside of her. Some may say that she lost herself in Him or that she just lost herself because she was so unhappy, but nothing though, could have prepared her for what was to come.
Sometimes it takes something tragic to bring out something beautiful. This girl learned that lesson firsthand. In one fell swoop her entire life as she had known it shattered into a million pieces. She became that girl that everyone talked about, but didn’t quite know it was her that they were talking about. Her life and her story became everyones story, but yet she was never asked to tell her story. She became a silent victim in a way. This girl grew up even more in that one moment. Although, through all the chaos the girl found a way back to the little girl who had played for hours in her house creating different worlds. She somehow was able to find that inner spark in her that she had had when she was young. Her inner light became bright again and she became more noticed than ever before.
The girl grew even more and matured into the woman that she is today. She now sees that everything she went through brought her to where she is now. She sees that all the crushes that she had, the first love, the first kiss, the heartache that went along with that, the college life, meeting new friends, meeting Him was vital to her life. Even though she hadn’t been living the clear cut idea of what she thought life was going to be like, she was still living. You have to live. You have to choose to live.
I know we all have a story. I know we all have experienced pain and sorrow and heartache. I know we all lose our inner child sometimes. As I have grown older, I have come to realize all we can truly do is honor ourselves. Honor your thoughts, honor your wishes, honor your imagination. Do not let anyone take any of that away from you. Do not allow anyone to take control over your own ownership of yourself. You have the control, You are in the drivers seat. I know it is hard to not let others drag you down. We are human and it is easy to feel what the other person is feeling and want to be there and help them. It is good to be there for one another, but also don’t lose sight of your own feelings.
I am currently working on living in the present moment. I was finding myself getting dragged down by my emotions. I was letting my imagination and emotions run away from me and I couldn’t quite catch up. For instance, I would meet a guy and automatically be planning our wedding in my head. I knew the colors, what song I would walk down the aisle to, and what kind of food we would be serving within minutes! After doing this multiple times, I was, for one, exhausted because planning so many different weddings is hard work :), and two I was also finding myself constantly disappointed. My imagination couldn’t handle it anymore!
My really good friend told me a few weeks ago that all I need to do is be myself and own it and live in the present moment. She told me to have moments throughout the day where I check in with myself to see how I am doing. I have found this tactic to be really helpful. These past few weeks, I have felt more connected with my imagination and emotions. I feel happier and more free to be who I am.
As you probably already guessed it, that little girl was me. LIke I said, we all have a story and we all have grown from being those little kids dancing around in our family rooms. I am about to be an Aunt again and I couldn’t be more excited to welcome Sadie into this world! I have really wanted to be there for Grace as she grows into the woman that she is going to be, and now that she is 9 years old, I am starting to see that she is becoming her own person. That little girl that we would watch dance on her tippy toes in our family room is growing up and starting her own story. When Sadie enters this world I am looking forward to seeing her imagination form. I am excited to see her dance in the family room on her tippy toes. I will be there to help her grow and my hope is that she learns about strength and courage and the idea of not losing sight of who she is. I want her to be her own person and own it, just like her older sister Grace is starting to be and just like her Aunt learned to be.
LIfe is one big circle (yes.. you can go ahead and sing “The Circle of Life” from the Lion King right now). LIfe is a process, and it is about the process not the final destination. So enjoy your story. No one can take it away from you unless you let them. Own it. Be it. Love it. Surrender to what is and have faith in what will be. It all matters, all the ups and all the downs. Every person you meet, every lesson you learn matters. Make it count.
