Control

       I do not know how to begin this one, but I know that once I start writing everything will just unfold the way it is meant to. One major thing I have learned is that you can't control things that happen in your life. Sure, you can attempt to control some things. You can get a job to control your money, you can have certain relationships to control your everyday life, but we can't control what the universe throws at us. We can try, but we just can't. It is so easy to have hope and wish for things to work out some way, but the truth is, is that you never know what is going to happen. Today was a big day for me because the old Amanda would have freaked out at the news she heard and would have just crumbled into a million pieces because the plan I had under control was ruined, but today, was an affirmation that I have grown and that no matter what comes my way, I know I can handle it. I know that life throws us curve balls and we just have to roll with the punches. We can't control what happens... we can try, but we just can't. 

      We have all been hurt at least one time in our life, and we all can relate to the feeling of walking into a room and knowing that people were just talking about you because it gets super quiet. Even in those moments, you can't control what others will say or do. What I can control is how I handle situations and how I act towards certain events in my life. I never know why the universe throws certain things at me. On Sunday at my matinee, there were a few people there that have played a huge role in MY story. It was so shocking to me to look out and see one of them  and then pan across and see another and so on and so fourth. I decided to take this is a sign from the heavens that this was a test for me. There had to be a reason why all of our paths crossed on this day and there was a reason why I needed to get my message across. I saw them right before I was about to sing my song about "waking up." I creepily relate to this song, and feel like it came into my life at the right moment. I am so happy that I was able to sing that song to those people in the audience. I am so happy that my feelings were able to come across because the truth is, I will never be able to fully get them to understand how hurt I am, and how their presence in MY story has affected me.  The universe works in mysterious ways. 

         I have now reached the stage where I am done controlling what happens to me. I am done trying to create something to be something when it just wont be. I am done controlling what people do or say or act around me. People are going to do what they are going to do. People are going to think what they are going to think. The truth is, is that you have to learn to accept what happens and then control how you will handle it. 

       Today has brought some closure, some tears and some reminders that I am on the right path. I have never doubted the decisions I have made the past 3 (almost 4) months for a second. It is all in divine order and I am here to tell you that everything is going to be ok, and if I am saying that, then you need to know that I believe it.