"Live to the fullest degree, in pleasure every step of the way. Live your wildest dreams out.Realize your destiny and LIVE IT UP! Close your eyes and see your potential. Where you can go and what you can do. Then live this!"
-Veronica Rae
Well here I am, about to enter month three of my journey. You know, I had someone tell me on New Years Eve that they were hoping that one day I could "calm down" about everything. Now, I don't know why that remark has stuck in my head so well since the start of the new year. The thing is, I do not think I will ever "calm down" about what happened, nor will I ever stop thinking about it. What happened is a part of my life, my life story, and now I see it as a way to act as a role model for other people. Through this tragic event, it has been made clear to me that I need to step it up and be that person that people look at and think, "wow, how is she doing that? She is remarkable." I want to be remarkable. I want my light to shine so bright that people just don't know what to do when I enter a room. Seriously! It could happen.. right? :)
Each month that has passed since that awful day has brought me something new. The first month I was rediscovering my lost self, the second month was all about jumping into dating and trying to rediscover the feeling of being happy to have someone by my side, this month I have shifted gears and am in a place of content. I feel like I have chosen to go down this awesome path called the unknown. It really is so scary, that it is amazing. The best part about this path that I am on is that I get to do it alone. I know I will have my best friends and my family along the way, but I get to make the decisions and I get to finally pick and choose what I do. I am going to be selfish for awhile, and you know.. thats ok. I have decided that I am at the place in my life where I get to be selfish.
My wonderful niece, Grace, turns 8 years old on Saturday. I cannot believe that 8 years have gone by since the day we all welcomed her into this world. I like to think how young I was when she was born, and how much her and I have changed and evolved together. I have been feeling really sad the past couple of days, but what has gotten be through is knowing that in some way my journey can help her journey in the long run.
We all have our hard times, we all have our secrets and we all have that inner voice that keeps pushing us towards something bigger and better. That inner voice is like my own little Jimminy Cricket. I have been ignoring Jimminy for far too long, and NOW I am going to listen to him. My personal Jimminy will help me get through this month, and soon one month will lead to another month and soon a year will go by and so on and so forth. I know with every ounce of my being that my choice to go down the unknown path was the right one. It's all part of a bigger plan. I need to trust in that.
I like to share little bits of my story because it's important for me to know that my voice is being heard. I want people to know where I am at and what I am feeling because maybe in some way I can help someone else that is going through something unbearable. Maybe I can be someone else's Jimminy Cricket.
I am looking forward to month three. I think it is going to be full of wonderfully unknown miracles. The best thing to do is just trust and let be.
"When you are looking for something... stop. Know what direction you feel pulled towards. Here lies the object of your desire."
-Veronica Rae
