You know, it's funny. I have started typing this blog multiple times over the past few weeks, but I keep erasing my words and trying to start over because I am too afraid what people may think about my thoughts.
I do this too much. In life, I often erase what I am thinking and feeling so I can please others around me. Lately I have been getting bothered by little things. I then start to obsess for it, which in return makes it get bigger. I keep all of the thoughts in my head and the problem is never addressed.. it just gets bigger and and bigger and bigger....
I WISH I could just say them. I WISH there were no boundaries and I could just be open about what I am thinking... good or bad.
I know people that are very open and I applaud them. I will admit that sometimes it is a little much, but you know something? When those types of people give me a compliment or tell me something, I take them so seriously because I trust them. I know that they wouldn't say anything that they didn't mean.
Sometimes in life when we get upset about something, we often put blame on the other person. We point the finger and say "you, you you!" When really.... all the anger, all the insecurities and all the upset stems from yourself. You should really be saying, "me, me, me. How can I change this situation? Why am I so upset by this?" More often than not, you will find that you are upset because the other person brought something up that you haven't been wanting to deal with and that you have been secretly insecure about.
Lately, I have felt like I have needed to be very careful with what I say. I keep thinking things in my head and not saying them out loud. I do not think this is a good. I believe this makes for a weaker person and I do not want to be weak... who does?
I want to be a strong person. I want to be able to say what I am thinking and mean it. I want to stay true to what I believe is right and fair and not let anyone influence my decision. I need my voice back. I am gaining my voice back. Tonight is the start of it all.
I will be a strong individual and I will stay true to what I know to be true. I will not let anyone get in my head and influence my decisions and reasoning. I will stay focused and stay on my path. I will try and not let the little things bother me so much and I will try to let the people that I have built up in my head fade out and go back to being little specks on this earth. I will focus more on the people that I love and I know love me. I will focus on light. I will focus on love. I will focus on being thankful.
Tomorrow is a brand new day and I am looking forward to being a bit stronger than I was today.
Take a deep breath... here we go.
